To quote Bladerunner, "How can it not know what it is?"

I had lived a healthy portion of my life before I started to self identify as heathen. In my youth, my friends and I were aware of paganism and actually referred to ourselves as heathen, feeling some affinity to the norse gods. However, as I left my teens behind, I began to consider myself more of a nihilist than anything. Famously engaging in good natured competition with a fellow nihilist as to who believed in less while out one night in Grimsby. I won by virtue of the fact that the guy believed in believing in nothing, while I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. Such sophistry appealed to me back then, I guess.

But, in my early thirties, the quest for romance took me to Sweden. I moved in with my then-girlfriend in Boras, Sweden. It was only fated to last a year, but that was a year that taught me a lot about myself. During that time, we made a trip together to some woodland, just outside of Svaneholm. It was there that I had my spiritual awakening. A feeling of awe overcame me and felt in some ways divine. It was the first time I felt divinity to be something outside of (but connected to) myself. It was also connected to the land around me at that time and linked me and the land to my ancestors and, what I later came to refer to as wights.

That didn't exactly set me on a new path, but it caused me to think more deeply about the path I was already on and how it could be considered to be a pagan one - and, more specifically, a norse heathen path.

Now, I find myself still on that path - and travelling as often as I can to Sweden where the landscape is as awe-inspiring as ever. The train from Stockholm to Kiruna, for example, took me and my (English) wife through some amazing countryside. Forests, mountains and lakes all call to mind faerie tales, sagas and myths that have been knocking around in my brain since my childhood.

Not just a warrior cult? No, but...

The nation that will insist upon drawing a broad line of demarcation between the fighting man and the thinking man is liable to find its fighting done by fools and its thinking by cowards.
~ William Francis ButlerWhen I first started upon my heathen path, I would respond aggressively to anyone who wrote off norse paganism as merely a warrior cult. Understandable, as there is so much more to the eddas, sagas and lays than that. It was these things in which I was more interested back then.

Now, however, having spent some time as a practicing heathen and having interacted with other heathens (mostly online, I will concede), I find my view changing in one very important respect.

The importance of the role of warrior, of battling one's enemies, of physical confrontation cannot and should not be ignored. The mythology is rife with references to battle and combat-related metaphors. The necessity of fighting to defend one's family or property was very real and pervasive back then.

This shaped our heathen forefathers, both physically and mentally. In a way that I feel many contemporary heathens don't appreciate. To call oneself a 'warrior' because you 'fight high insurance prices' in your daily work (or similar weak metaphor) betrays a complete lack of awareness of the huge effect that regular combat (or even intense training) can have upon a person's personality and values.

There is an argument for ignoring the warrior motif within heathen sources. After all, contemporary society doesn't require all of us to literally fight for our livelihoods. Some of us may become police or soldiers who will act on the front lines in a manner very similar to our viking ancestors, but most of us will spend our lives doing something much more pedestrian, likely in complete safety. Thankfully, very few of us will ever be required to fight at all, never mind literally fight for our lives.

However, the warrior mindset gained through training for and taking part in combat clearly informs a great portion of the beliefs and values expressed in the heathen sources, such as the eddas, sagas and heroic lays.

So, as part of my heathen path, I am taking time to investigate and, where possible, experience, what it is like to actually be a warrior. Even if that is simply some 'alive' training for my internal martial arts - my class, for example, also has a full contact sparring class on Tuesdays. Tentative exploration of this will inform my faith as well as any time spend poring over various texts.

Einherjar: Lone Fighters

I was reading somewhere else online (another heathen blog, perhaps) that the old norse name for the warriors in Valhalla, 'einherjar' literally means something along the lines of 'those who fight alone'.

The writer in question explained that viking warriors were trained in all aspects of combat and could be thought of as 'a one-man army'. Thus, they were well prepared for and perfectly able to fight alone, even outside of the shield wall, if necessary.

All of this I agreed with and admire, but it was at this point that the writer went on to use this to explain the importance, for them, of time alone.

I don't really feel that the importance of alone time (whoever enjoyable that might be) was the lesson to take from this. Rather, I think the more valuable attribute (especially in this modern age and in an overcrowded nation such as the UK) was the importance of self reliance.

Being able to operate, provide for oneself and even thrive - alone - is a very admirable trait. Especially in contemporary society, in which we are expect, and required, to rely on others for everything. Our food, our security, our entertainment, fixing our tools and even making decisions for the direction of our lives and the upbringing of our families - all are provided by third parties. This can leave us over-reliant and unable to fend for ourselves, if we are not careful.

So, perhaps, in a time where striving to be ferocious, ruthless warriors is frowned upon, being something of a Renaissance Man is the next best thing for the modern heathen?

More quotes

“The Norse ideal was a man of open, generous disposition, a man imbued with qualities of compassion and kindness, not ruthless but firm and fair, even-tempered but capable of passion, physically accomplished and strong in [a] fight, but not a bully.”
--Magnus Magnusson

“To do what lay before him openly and like a man, without fear of either foes, friends, nor fate… to be free and daring in all his deeds; to be gentle and generous to his friends and kinsmen, to be stern and grim to his foes, but even towards them to fulfill all bounden duties… to be no truce-breaker, nor tale-bearer, nor back-biter. To utter nothing against any man that he would not dare tell him to his face. To turn no man from his door who sought food or shelter, even though he were a foe.”
--George Dasent

"From Atheist to Heathen in three very shaky steps..."

First posted onto my other blog (http://5threplicant.livejournal.com) in 2009.

So, as promised, a post about my turn to the dark side (or spiritual shift toward paganism, if you prefer). Sorry for the belated nature of this post, but this is stuff that I am still not entirely sure about. Cardinal sin as it seems to be with some pagans, I am still very much the cynic and hold dear some very humanist opinions.

Until a relatively short (in the scheme of things) while ago, I was a very strong atheist and cynic. Never quite managing full on physicalist/materialist (I could never quite agree that 'the physical' was *all* there was), I nevertheless scoffed at those who believed in/had faith in (( insert your deity here )) and was rarely comfortable hanging with the more flighty faeriegoths or fluffy pagans. You know the kind. Those people for whom the world is all spirits and energies and whose idea of spirituality is based way too heavily on the re-runs of Buffy they've watched.

For me, existentialism had been as close as I got toward any kind of personal philosophy. If divinity did exist, then it was within us, rather than external. The most 'fluffy' I ever got was reading about Jung's concept of the collective unconscious. I was hardly going to be embracing David Icke any time soon, trust me.

Then a few things happened which looks to be changing all that. Firstly, in a discussion with one of my more 'fluffy' but still very intelligence mates, she made a point which caused a door in my mind to swing just slightly ajar for a moment. Nothing major, no epiphanies, revelations, unravelling of my mind or trumpets sounding or anything. Maybe a BBC Sound Effects department-style creak to announce said opening. More comedic than inspiring, really.

Secondly, another of my friends who I had a deal of respect for announced his becoming a heathen (or I think the term he used was Odinist - there are lot of words for essentially the same thing, each carrying with it a certain amount of baggage and no-one seems quite sure what the collective should really be called anyway). This, again, was no inspiring moment, but did perhaps plant a little seed. It made me aware, not just that heathenry existed (I knew that already) but gave me a little knowledge of what it's modern manifestation is about.

Finally, while I was living in Sweden I had perhaps the closest thing I have ever had to an epiphany or a spiritual experience. While out and about (which was often the case back then as even city areas in Sweden are usually surrounded by the most gloriously beautiful nature) I had a strong feeling of divinity. This time external to me and all around me. Somehow connected both to myself and the land. Call it just simply being awestruck at the beauty of nature, if you like. That was certainly a part of it. As was a sense of history and of the generations of my ancestors (who more than likely hailed from somewhere in Scandinavia) stretching back into the dimness of time, feeling the same things as me and all being connected.

Again, not as cataclysmic an event as I am, perhaps, painting with these words now. Very actual were these feelings, but very understated. And, over the following months, I got more and more of a sense of a change in perspective and my 'spiritual alignment' (for want of a less fluffy word). Additionally, around this time, I began to experience 'waking dreams'. First of all dreaming a giant spider in my bed - a hallucination which remained for a few seconds after I awoke. Something that shit me up and no mistake, I can tell you! Other such hallucinations have occured since, and all around waking/going to sleep. Perhaps a sign of my imagination gaining influence over me once more. Or perhaps simply a reflection of the fact I'd been thinking about symbols and spiritual beings much more than previously and so my mind (being what it is) took license to go apeshit for a bit.

So now, I find myself reconciling the two sides of myself. The cynic and the dreamer. Always the two major sides to my character, the shift now seems to be that I am listening more to the dreamer where my beliefs are concerned. Still, though, I am reticent to lose that cynical part of me. I still feel uncomfortable with fluffy pagans and prefer the company of other 'cynics with their doors ajar' such as myself. Having people tell me I am not really a pagan cos I don't believe in actual divine entities just makes me more and more cynical, to be honest. Theatening regression if truth be told. But I feel my version of heathenry allows me to incorporate its values and lessons into my life without having to insist that the gods are actual people watching us like bloody gormless reality tv fans. You'd think gods'd have better things to do than watch us make tits of ourselves!?

Living Gods

I came across this post while reading back in my livejournal (http://5threplicant.livejournal.com) and thought it would be good to post here.


Here is something I posted to the Kith of Yggdrasil's member's forum about the nature of storytelling, mythology and the divine.

A theory I am developing to this day and which makes for great pub-pint conversation with anyone sharing a similar paganesque interest.



Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 9:35 pm Post subject: Living gods

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I think one thing that is often a neglected part of our faith is one key difference between modern heathenry and its original form.

In times gone past, the stories of our faith were living things, evolving and growing with each progressive telling. Breeding, if you will, as new stories were created to join the old. Dying as less popular or lesser known stories were forgotten and blew away in the smoke of the campfire. When skalds told new tales of the gods and heroes, if those tales didn't sit right or were somehow wrong, then they simply would not be enjoyed and not remembered and retold. Good stories that added something to the fame of the god or hero or that simply entertained would be appreciated, remembered and retold.

These, however, were not the static, codified stories written in books like those we pore over today. They had no one true version so that each word of the story could be pored over, examined and argued over. They were tales told around the campfire. They'd be embellished and exaggerated with each telling. Altered at the whim of the storyteller or at the behest of his audience. Truly a living tale and, with the potential for other tales to be created in the future, they were tales that imbued the protagonist with life. What would Thor do upon the next telling? Or the next?

When I read the Eddas, they can feel like an obituary. A recounting of the deeds of someone from the past. Great and glorious deeds, for certain. Deeds providing us with something to aspire to and lessons to be learnt, but deeds which are a fait accompli. Over. Something that was done in a world of the past, involving the people and events of the past and something I need to reassess for application in my own, contemporary world.

This is why I am beginning to feel that we have lost something very important by relying on the same, almost canonical stories from our mythology. A great mythology it is with much to benefit those who study it. But it is not as vibrant as it was when it came in the form of an oral tradition.

However the stories came about, whether the work of one or more skalds with an incredible imagination, the codified knowledge of a venerable gothi, the chronicles of ancient kings, gods, or whatever - that all seems to be of secondary importance to me. I enjoy the great mysteries as much as anyone. Philosophy and theology provide manna for my intellect that I would hate to have to do without. But I feel the stories themselves are so much more to so many more people. Accessible and of value to all, they encapsulate all that is good about heathenry and tell a damn good tale to boot.

I feel the stories need to be told again. Need to breathe and evolve. To escape from their current bondage within the written word and roam free as evolving, breeding entities.

Now, one problem, I foresee is that any skald brave enough to create his own Lay would doubtless come under an immense amount of flak from those for whom his portrayal of the gods and heroes in question didn't ring true. That is the way of contemporary heathenry, it seems - 'what I don't like shouldn't be...'. I can't imagine this happened all those moons ago. As I stated earlier, I feel that those stories that were less popular would simply fade away through natural selection.

This would also help to reinterpret heathenry in a modern context by creating stories of the gods and heroes at large in the modern world. It also might help heathenry reach a wider audience, too.

Obviously, I am biased, fancying myself as something of a Skald, but what I'd like to know is what kinds of stories about the gods and heroes would people want to hear around the campfire?
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D.

Inspiration and self improvement

I've been meditating on the gods (specifically Tyr and his rune) with the aim of helping me improve my discipline.  I have wanted to do this to help me stick to a training regime that will help my baguazhang classes and generally improve my health and fitness.  In turn, I hope, that will help me be a better father as I grow older and increase my ability to protect my family.  All good stuff, I'm sure whatever readers (if any) that this blog might enjoy would agree on that.

And, despite my lack of convicition regarding the existence of those same gods (or, at least, what form they take), I am finding that it works.  I can rationalise this by accepting what I am doing as a form of self hypnosis - but what does it matter if I involve gods (imaginary or otherwise) in improving myself?  Especially if the improvements themselves are considerable - as I hope to find they will be in this case.

Neopaganism has room for atheists, agnostics, animists and all kinds of others who differ from the traditional theist/polytheist demographic.  If I later find that gods do actually exist, then I am sure they will forgive me being a touch skeptical in the beginning.  If not, do I really want to associate with any being, no matter how powerful or influencial in my life, if all they want is for me to believe unquestioningly?