To quote Bladerunner, "How can it not know what it is?"

I had lived a healthy portion of my life before I started to self identify as heathen. In my youth, my friends and I were aware of paganism and actually referred to ourselves as heathen, feeling some affinity to the norse gods. However, as I left my teens behind, I began to consider myself more of a nihilist than anything. Famously engaging in good natured competition with a fellow nihilist as to who believed in less while out one night in Grimsby. I won by virtue of the fact that the guy believed in believing in nothing, while I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. Such sophistry appealed to me back then, I guess.

But, in my early thirties, the quest for romance took me to Sweden. I moved in with my then-girlfriend in Boras, Sweden. It was only fated to last a year, but that was a year that taught me a lot about myself. During that time, we made a trip together to some woodland, just outside of Svaneholm. It was there that I had my spiritual awakening. A feeling of awe overcame me and felt in some ways divine. It was the first time I felt divinity to be something outside of (but connected to) myself. It was also connected to the land around me at that time and linked me and the land to my ancestors and, what I later came to refer to as wights.

That didn't exactly set me on a new path, but it caused me to think more deeply about the path I was already on and how it could be considered to be a pagan one - and, more specifically, a norse heathen path.

Now, I find myself still on that path - and travelling as often as I can to Sweden where the landscape is as awe-inspiring as ever. The train from Stockholm to Kiruna, for example, took me and my (English) wife through some amazing countryside. Forests, mountains and lakes all call to mind faerie tales, sagas and myths that have been knocking around in my brain since my childhood.

News: Ancient forest under threat

The Guardian: Last stand for Europe's remaining ancient forest as loggers prepare to move in. http://google.com/newsstand/s/CBIw5oXQ7Co

News items such as this often cause me to feel divided, opinion-wise.

I am not the kind of pagan who automatically rejects the modern world and sees such examples of logging, culling etc as bad by definition.

I accept that environmental impact is, on occasion, necessary for the greater good.  That said, such an ancient forest, especially one that provides a habitat to wildlife not often found in Europe any longer, should be protected, if at all possible.

Maybe the end of such things is a necessary step on the path to human advancement?  Death, disease and decay are just as much a part of nature as life, healing and growth, after all.

Lyrics: New Model Army - Ballad

Ballad

(Sullivan) 1986

When they look back at us and they write down their history
What will they say about our generation?
We're the ones who knew everything and still we did nothing
Harvested everything, planted nothing.

Well we live pretty well in the wake of the goldrush
Floating in comfort on waves of our apathy
Quietly gnawing away at Her body
Until we mortgage the future, bury our children
Storehouses full with the fruits we've been given
We send off the scrag-ends to suckle the starving
But still we can't feed this strange hunger inside
Greedy, restless and unsatisfied.

I was never much one for the great "Big Bang" theory
Going out in a blaze of suicidal glory
Not foolish and brave, these leaders of ours
Just stupid and petty, unworthy of power;
Just a little leak here and a small error there
Another square mile poisoned forever
A series of sad and pathetic little fizzles
And out go the lights, never to return.

The affair it is over, the passion is dead
She stares at us now with ice in Her eyes
But we turn away from these bitter reproaches
And take up distractions to forget what we're doing
I stand on these hills and I watch Her at night
A thousands square miles, a million orange lights
Wounded and scarred, She lies silent in pain
Raped and betrayed in the cold acid rain
And I wish and I wish
We could start over again
Yes I wish and I wish
We could win back Her love once again

Self-reliance

Having a car now, while less ecologically responsible, makes it much easier to be self reliant and get things done. Shopping trips are made easier with the simple application of a mobile boot to store the shopping in while taking it home. Home improvements are facilitated by being able to drive to hardware and furniture shops (and, again, the boot helps immensely).

Two goats and a thatched roof might well be enough, but it is nice to be able to mould our new home into something more akin to our style. We've been in there almost six months now and, while very homely and comfortable, it could be a bit more us. And I don't just mean more axes in the umbrella stand. I presume any visiting Vikings will have their own.

That said, I do have my eye on a couple of swords - for decorative purposes or training equipment, I have yet to decide.